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Henry the Diplomatic Snugglebunny's Journal
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Henry the Diplomatic Snugglebunny's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
9:09 pm
Happy Birthday to "Deadeye" Dick Cheney. Always on target.

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
8:04 pm
"That's just about all I can take. I'm gonna go home, crawl into bed, and eat a bag of donuts THIS BIG!"

(Incidentally, contrary to what Bob Woodward is saying, I have not, in fact, been giving advice to President Bush. He merely fabricated the story, and gave it to Woodward through a third party, in order to publicly humiliate me. For some reason he has been resentful of me ever since I boned Katherine Harris at the 2002 RNC convention in Florida. And yes, for those who are curious, they do, indeed, feel somewhat realistic. My only regret about the incident is that, at one point, we were unceremoniously interrupted by Senator Joe Biden, who came in to use the bathroom. Ever since that day, whenever he sees me, he makes some sarcastic quip about when I next plan to visit 'Silicone Valley.' In reality, I have no intention of doing so.)

Current Mood: lethargic
Friday, September 15th, 2006
7:13 pm
This is really too ridiculous. I'm considering suing Dr. Rice for infringement of my copyright. I, and only I am allowed to use the office of Secretary of State as a dating service. Besides which, she could probably do a lot better than Peter "Turbot" McKay, the canadian Minister of Foreign 'Affairs.' That guy has rammed more pork than a Bavarian sausage stuffer.

Current Mood: indifferent
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
6:45 pm
If any of you were wondering why I did not complete my interview with Charlie Rose last week, it was because I found myself unable to stand the putrid aroma of his cheap cologne. That and the fact that he kept confusing me with Brent Scowcroft. I mean, really, is there any resemblance whatsoever? I told him so, during the commercial break, and then left for my dinner appointment with Paris Hilton. She later offered to give me a massage in PARLUX, because she couldn't stand the residual odor of hack-journalism. I had not felt such an assault on my adenoids since the paris peace talks. Le Duc Tho was a tawdry little bastard, who used to smother himself in cheap cologne to cover the smell of moth balls and fish soup.
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
7:14 pm
I don't know why everybody is acting so surprised. What did you expect when he said 'pull my finger?'

In other news, I'm glad to see that domestic wiretapping is back in vogue. Apparently President Bush has actually read that copy of Nixon's memoirs that I sent him. I was wise to invest in the 'large print' edition. (I doubt if Karl Rove would have had the time to read it TO him these days, what with having to change his trousers every twenty minutes.) I sent it to him as an 'instruction manual for success,' rather than an historical document. I'm convinced that, if only Nixon were more handsome he would have been able to get away with his political strategies. (Regardless of what the impeachment documents said about illegal wiretaps and misuse of the CIA, he was basically just impeached because he had a face that would stop the atomic clock at The National Academy of Sciences.) Hopefully, things will be different this time. Bush not only has the necessary 'conventional' looks, but also the required streak of malicious paranoia; and a large family fortune to use as a personal slush fund for various coverups.

I'm still not entirely convinced that he read it, though. I'll have to wait and see if he strips the U.S. markings off of some B-52 bombers and bombs Cambodi...er...Iran, and then hires a bunch of imbeciles to break into Joe Wilson's Psychiatrist's office to obtain blackmailing materials to confirm my hypothesis. Then I can be certain he's following the Nixonian plan, and we can pick things up where we left off in 1973. Why tamper with a winning strategy, as it were?
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
2:04 am

Those poor naive fools at CNN. Do they really think anybody would name their son "Mark Felt"? I can't wait to see how many heads roll tomorrow when somebody actually bothers to Google that name, and finds out that Mark Felt was an actor who co-starred with Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat, and not a deputy director of the FBI at all.

As a matter of fact, the most intelligent thing he said today was:

"What are all those frikkin cameras doing on my lawn? Holy shit, I must have won The Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes!"

Current Mood: indifferent
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
12:08 am
Oh the irony...
Yes, my old friend Dick is rolling in his grave. But with laughter this time...

Current Mood: amused
Monday, January 31st, 2005
2:23 am
"After having given him a top to bottom physical examination, we've declared Papa Smurf fit to run for office in Iraq."

Friday, November 19th, 2004
6:27 am
"So what CABINET POSITION do y'all want? Attourney General, Energy, Secretary of State, National Security Advisor, Director of the CIA...? How 'bout Federal Reserve Chairman? All ya have to do is NOT talk about the dangers of our trade deficit, and I guarantee you'll last longer than GREENSPAN!"

Current Mood: nervous
Sunday, November 14th, 2004
11:00 pm
Curious. When did Jesse Ventura decide to throw his hat into the ring again? I suppose with all the recent success of Arnold Schwarzenegger, he's decided to run for Governor again?

Current Mood: impressed
Sunday, January 11th, 2004
11:50 pm
Oh cruel fates, why do you mock me?

Bork meets Bjork:
(Also known as "Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster.")

Apparently former Nixon administration Attourney General Robert Bork and celebrity pop star Bjork have decided to enter into a nuptial agreement.

Their children are going to be named…..

(Not to mention Rhino-butt UGLY!)

(Pardon my Nixonesque explicatives.)

Current Mood: jealous
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
4:42 pm
Alright, very well....

I'm sad to have to announce that, since the collapse of the Soviet Union, the chickening out of Kadhaffi, the capture of Saddam, Castro allowing us to use Guantanamo Bay, and the apparent willingness of Kim Jong-Il to trade in his nuclear weapons for a few tubes of Vidal Sasson hair mouse, we (the right wing nutcases) have been forced by process of elimination to choose our only remaining 'enemy.' Here he is...*shakes head*


Ummm...yeah...he's very dangerous to the free world, and all that shmutz. So we should be INCREASING our defense budget, not decreasing it...uh...because you just never know when he may decide to start something.

(Oh god this is humiliating. To think that the world is now such a happy, slappy place that we can't find anybody more formidable than the human equivalent of a McDonalds quarter pounder with cheese to be scared of.)

Current Mood: depressed
Friday, December 19th, 2003
7:34 pm
In MY day, we had REAL South American revolutionaries....
Oh for god's sake!
That's it!

Che Guevara is definitely dead! All the TRUE South American revolutionaries are gone, and all they've got left are those goofball banditos from Woody Allen's BANANAS! Jerks.

Current Mood: depressed
6:41 pm
Alright, that's enough...
I never cared much for Moamer Kadhaffi, but I think we've humiliated him ENOUGH now. It was bad enough that we made him dismanltle his weapons of mass destruction program, but I think the State Department went too far when they forced him to wear a shirt made out of the Saturday morning funny papers, and do a tacky impersonation of Richard Nixon.
Thursday, October 30th, 2003
2:50 am
I am not surprised that most of my political, SO-CALLED 'friends' would TRICK me. I was conditioned to this kind of two-faced behavior during the Nixon administration, when he had the CIA spy on me, and then tried to pin the Watergate affair on me. Hrmph...

I think I'll go and write another BOOK about all of these bastards.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
henry_kissinger goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as the grim reaper from an esoteric Bergman movie.
alsahaf tricks you! You get a broken toy car.
arielsharon tricks you! You get a broken toy car.
brezhnev gives you 11 tan grapefruit-flavoured gummy bears.
dick_nixon gives you 3 green peach-flavoured nuggets.
george_w_bush tricks you! You get a dead frog.
jean_cretien tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
lisaloo tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
marieofroumania gives you 15 white vanilla-flavoured gumdrops.
pam_grier tricks you! You get a piece of string.
robert_deniro tricks you! You get a block of wood.
henry_kissinger ends up with 27 pieces of candy, a broken toy car, a broken toy car, a dead frog, a piece of string, and a block of wood.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.
Tuesday, September 9th, 2003
1:40 pm
How disappointing that California Gubernatorial candidate Peter Ueberroth has dropped out of the race due to a chronic case of Boob-groper's Cramp. Having suffered from that affliction myself for many years, I know just how debilitating it can be. However, I'm sure that all the female Pages are heaving a sigh of relief right now.

Current Mood: disappointed
Sunday, September 7th, 2003
3:03 am
"I'd like y'all to meet my chief economic adviser. Her name is TINKERBELL."

Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
5:53 pm
Oh, the irony...
If it's a fork, he can apparently get a hole in one. But if it was a PUTTER in his hand he'd probably have birthday cake smeared all over his ass by now, not to mention all over the press corps.

(Well, now that Bob Hope is gone, SOMEBODY had to say it. Trust me, this is not bitterness. It has absolutely nothing to do with Gerald Ford secretly blackballing my membership applications to every golf club in Palm Springs because I'm Jewish. In truth I only applied to those dumb old golf clubs as a matter of principle. I have absolutely no desire to sit around sipping gin and tonic, and discussing hair transplants with Dick Clark and George Plimpton. None at all....*sniffle*.. Okay, so maybe I AM bitter! SURE! There's a big diplomatic mess in Indochina? Let's get HENRY to clean it up. But if they need someone to round up a four on Saturday morning, they'd rather send for Chevy Chase! Yeah, fine, that makes a LOT of sense! Bastards!)

Current Mood: impressed
Sunday, June 29th, 2003
12:26 am
I am getting very tired of this grinding schedule of book-signing ceremonies and gala dinners. I would so much prefer to be relaxing and having fun manipulating some foreign governments.

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, June 28th, 2003
5:46 am
Wow, cool man...
I would like to state for the record that, although it is not likely to increase national security, or apprehend any terrorists, I am in favor of any Airport security measures that will allow geeky Federal officials to see through the clothing of chicks. I was foolish enough to buy a pair of those so called "X-RAY SPECS" from the back of a comic book when I was an infant. I spent my entire weekly allowance on these so called X-ray specs, and was very disappointed to find that they did not allow me to see any naked chicks. In fact, I ruined my vision by squinting through them for hours on end, all to no avail, which is why I now have to wear prescription glasses.

Therefore, when I was secretary of state, I used my influence to see to it that a large portion of the federal research funds, set aside for the National Energy Commission, was diverted into research that would lead to an X-ray machine that actually COULD see through womens' clothing. Now, apparently all those years of effort have come to fruition. Next to the Paris peace accord, this is probably my greatest achievement in public life.

Current Mood: impressed
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